你说是我们相见恨晚 . . . 我说为爱, 你不够勇敢 . . .

Been a tough week... Life is full of so much surprises and up comings...Somethings might struck you but unknowingly you do not realize until you stop and ponder upon on a simple question posted to you..Doesn't this sounds silly to you? I bet so too..what you need and what you want just suddenly seems to be so clear before your eyes.. Its really tormenting to be in a situation like this...But at least I think we are still chatting and communicating as per normal as per friend...Dun really know how long can this last or how much longer I can hold out, but maybe time will tell...Or maybe i discover what i really need and not what i always wanted... Need someone who is on common frequency as me..share the same thinking and joy, luffing at some tootpit jokes and silly mistakes she made....a simple comment like "the fish is so big hor" but it can just made her luffing at her own silliness and blurness hahaha..maybe she is just someone simple and make things much more simpler...that what makes her unique and special i guess...

Does what people say matters so much to you?Why do we need to let others affect our thinking and actions? I really dunoe..but I believe we should act and do stuffs base on what our heart and feeling is telling me...Or rather can someone tell me what is right and wrong in love?Is there really a right and wrong?I dun believe there is right or wrong but rather we should follow our feelings...Must we act other wise just because of what people say? Its so crazy not to listen to what your heart and feeling is telling you but follow what others say? Haiz I really do not understand...I have regretted once cause of my own foolishness and I dun wish to feel so regretful the second time again..

Things are so funny...You cant imagine how much sama-sama-ness we can have in 1 day...starting from IM-ing, food, drinks, dressing, saying the exact same words and sentences at the same time. Its really surprising that I can find someone who is so similar with me in all aspect..Suddenly the "Qian" that i gotten in Japan is starting to flow into my picture...First was the dark clouds will clear..which I feel it is already cleared by now...Efforts will pay and bright prospects..which is in my exam and job....and lastly... The Belated One will come...Will this come true too?

A enjoyable trip or a memories flowing trip of her?

Finally can get to online after so many days as there is no internet in my room and lazy to go down to the lobby....to add more woes to my trip..due to typhoon and earthquake, there isnt any reception on my damn phone..so weird to have no internet and mobile phone in such a high tech world now...

But back to topic...This trip suppose to be a relax and break for all the shits in singapore..but it dun seems so up till now..spent the past few days visiting places of interest in osaka..feel realli weird that the one beside me is not her..i think this trip has so much memories of me and her..i feel like calling her and tell her i miss her.....but i really cant find the courage to do so...Visiting those places that we went to in Jan and now is so much different...Images of her just flows to my mind when I am taking pictures and walking around..even those food that we tried and places...especially the Gyoza at the shin imamiya tower there...its realli so nice and tasty back in Jan..but this time round i went back to eat again..it is not as tasty as before..the taste seems to have change..Ate Mac Pork the past few nights..used to taste like superb but then again the taste that it is in my memories once again taste better...Is it becoz she is not with me? I myself dun deny the fact that i think she plays a part in it..Coz i realli feel that with her around those food we love really tasted much better..but the person with me on this trip is so unfamiliar...how i wish she was here with me...

I went to some of the places that we din manage to go previously, one of the place is the Golden Temple in Kyoto..the place which she says she will love to go...Bought a little hello kitty handphone strip with the Golden Temple minature for her too..also dunoe got chance to pass to her too or not..its so misty between me and her...

Went to Todaiji Temple too..it is in Nara..the so call biggest buddha statue here...it is also one of the world heritage i think..and went to the deer park which we wanted to go too but lack of time previously and end up did not go previously..haiz...all these uncompleted journey between me and her are completed now but she is not the one with me to complete these...i really wish it is her who is with me in this trip..I lost the chance to go these places with her but although i managed to go this time round..the whole feeling is totally different..coz the person with me is not her...dunoe even got chance to bring her with me there again or not too..

Had a quarrel with her a few days back before i lost touch with the world with no reception on my mobile phone..what i wan to tell her or ask her is not being scarastic..but she replied so scarastically..coz previously i did ask her want go oversea together or not and even suggested to plan a short trip to batam or bintan to relax..but i was rejected straight....and now she telling me she going oversea with colleauges tml to hk...i not even comparing why she can choose to go oversea with her frens to hk and not with me..and somemore i fully understand why she cannot come japan with me at this period..i totally know that it is becoz of work and leaves issues..but when she resigned i actually asked her that since next month is so call our important date, so just suggested to go on a short trip for her to relax etc..but she say dun wan...and now goin hk with her frens..i realli dunoe...When she say and ask me to enjoy my japan trip..i so much wanted to tell her that i miss her and i totally dun enjoy my trip here as she is not here with me...before i even can type or what her reply really snapped me off....why cant we really talk nicely?

And its so not me to go "qiu qian"...but I did it here..not once but twice somemore...one is fortune in general and second was love issue..but both of the results were quite similiar and somehow quite zhun too..should i believe or should i not? i also dunoe..or maybe it is just pure concidence?haiz...but what they mentioned on the qian i gotten is really quite accurate for me currently....maybe i should follow what it says?

The fear inside me. . .

It been days that I actually refuse to take her calls and reply her sms-es...all these doesn't feels good at all...Been trying to contact her since then but when she finally contact me i felt so happy that she finally contact me once again but at the same time I felt so afraid and sad to reply her..So afraid that when will she just mia from me again and suddenly appear out of no where after days? I really felt so confuse for all these...what does she really wants? She made me find my directions with her but she is also the one that made me lost all our directions too...

saw some photos few days back once again..is her so called "primary school friend" and her once again...and they were never tag in the album again...isn't the guy suppose to be attached?applied regalia as per wat she said?But every single outing her so called "primary school friend" 's the other half is not there too? or will she be telling mi this time round that the guy doesn't has a FB a.c so cannot tag? I know i been trying to find excuses for her and for me... but i just cant help it...felt damn useless of me...and it felt even more shitty to see her hugging and enjoying and smiling so much in the photos with HIM and during times like that between us? What if i am the one hugging so closely with another girl in the picture..i really wonder how will she feel...

I tried to stand firm but each time her sms comes in, i really wanted to reply but i cant find the courage to press send after i finish typing my sms...and i got really so pissed off too the other day cause she actually asked me why did i remove her from her FB....Would i be so free and stupid to do that when i have been trying to build back our r.s and trying so hard to locate her all these while? When i realise i m not in her list i even tried to send request to add her back praying that she will accept my request...but guess what..she actually rejected and asked me why did i remove her from my list...To me I am a person if i block or remove you i will say the truth, why go hide or deny all these when i hate hypocrites totally....so why would i try to go be a hypocrite myself? Even is FB problem, i got 264 friends in my list, does this has to be so "qiao" that this kind of FB issue only happens between me and her? Happen once maybe..but so many times? I even did testing with my own account by setting up a new account to test...But yet i tried to find excuses for her to get away with all these...blame it on FB, blame it on whatever...except her.. I have already tried finding all kinds of excuses for her to hide up whatever she has done, what else or more you want? I am really tired......

And all these while i been trying to contact her or to talk to her about our house issue, but there wasn't any positive responses from her..n now after our deadline she suddenly just come sms me about want talk about house? how ironic right? ain't this like what she told me the other time? stupid and contradicting myself? isn't this the same case for her?

Felt so afraid to give in once again...I really dunoe . . . . . .

Another sleepess night....

Its already like 7am in the morning and yet i cannot get to sleep..Today is already 1st Aug 09 and I haven got a reply from her...Maybe that the main reason that i cannot sleep even with the help of my liquor...I do not know what will happen to us from here as i think it will be depending on her decision...Will this be a turning point for us? All these seems to be in my head with a big "question mark" Been thinking this and that...here and there...worrying about the answer she is going to give or tell me about the house.. Will she still stick to her previous decision or will she has a change of mind? And what if she still insist no? Or maybe she does not really have the time to think about it since she told me she will be busy this week...

Anyway today is her friend wedding and she is helping out with it as one of the sisters, do not wish to tell her how I feel etc as i do not wish to spoil her day as today is one of her close friends wedding.. So I guess today is another busy day for her as she is going to her friend house early in the morning to start helping out etc all the way till dinner at night..Hopefully she can have some rest in between the day...

Oh ya..just gotten the sms from HDB that Punggol Residence is up for registration to ballot..Told OGF about this and she was so upset and regretting about choosing a unit in Punggol Regalia..And to my surprise she actually changed her appointment of the signing of the first 5% 3 times already..Felt bad about this as previously i was the one who told her that Residence is no longer label in the SLA website and maybe there is no longer such BTO but now suddenly HDB release the news of the launching of Punggol Residence... But I told her that she should actually sort out her problem too with her partner..Maybe things are not too stable or what between them too...

Oh ya...dropped by ION in town with OGF and DJJ on Thurs..first time heading there and was amaze that although times are bad now they still manage to open up such a BIG shopping mall and it even links to wheelock place...Head to a shop call "Nippon-ya", OGF was so excited and crazy over those food inside..running around looking at food and tempted to buy this and that..haha it was kinda of funny to see her running around like a kid although I know that she is a person who will go crazy over those cute and pretty packaging and things..Lucky DJJ was there to stop her from clearing the stocks on the shelves lor...and yes i meant "Clearing the Stocks" haha...

1 more week to go for me to leave Singapore for awhile but its also the first time that i am taking a plane without her beside me ever since we got together...Feels kinda of weird at the same time about this too...Hopefully the damage is not too big this time round there..as i spent about 7k in total back in Jan this year with everything in..Trying to set the budget of between 2k to 2.5k max for this trip there...die die also must try to keep within budget as this suppose to be just a relax trip for me...