一场欢喜一场空 . . .

我还以为她终于会约我出去了....可是却是一场欢喜一场空...原来她也约了其他人一起去...是我想太多了吗....?我想我是真的想太多了....真是个短暂的喜悦和快乐....

突然好想一个人静静去吹吹海风...

我现在的心情就象照片里的那艘船...在那么的黑那么的无助的茫茫大海中行驶...是暴风雨即将来临?还是我心理的曙光就是那么微不足道...

雨后真的有曙光和彩虹吗???

爱真的需要勇气..可是离开更需要勇气...

我的心里感觉到一整整的的刺痛...不知不觉的忍不住眼泪的落下...不知该说什么才好..只想一个人好好的静一静...她的那个问题..是Alfred 或 还可以比较爱常在心?这个问题仿佛让我觉得我不能象还可以这样的爱她..我根本不能象还可以这样..我没还可以这样的伟大...我真的办不到...因为我根本不是还可以.....

想到明天要看到她...我根本不知道我应该如何是好...我真的没离开她的那种勇气, 我真的真的做不到..可是我能还能这么做...一个人默默的离开吗.....?

爱一个人真的只希望她能幸福快乐吗? 就算那个带给她幸福和快乐的人不是我? 我真的做得到吗? 我连最出追她的机会都没有...我不设想她可以给我的任何承诺但却渴望她给我一个机会..哪怕多么微小的一个机会...我都会好好的保握这一个难得的机会....可是我却得不到我盼望已久的这个机会...


我的心真的好痛好难过......

梁静茹 - 勇气

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定

我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义

我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里
你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急
更害怕错过你

Spending Quiet Moments By The River ....

Haven been feeling great this week...experiencing the feelings of roller coaster..I was so happy that I actually lunch with her alone during yesterday public holiday...Although it wasn't really a fantastic lunch or what but at least I am able to lunch with her alone..no one else but just her...Do not know how she feels but I am really happy to be able to just have lunch with her only...Its simply a great feeling to be able to spend time with her...

But I was feeling like hell when I am back to office...Realize that I have forgotten to send an instruction to custodian to exercise the rights on behalf of client....Such a mistake I really should not be making but I made it...I also do not know how the hell I miss out on that...I really don't feel good about this...Been holding high expectation of myself being a perfectionist but yet I committed such mistake...and a possible loss of AUD37k...haiz...

Took a walk by the river after work...Looking at the water and slowing down my pace of walking suddenly make me feel more relax and feeling so comfortable with the breeze blowing onto my face...As the sun sets, the buildings got lighted up...somehow i realize that if we have slow down our pace in our life there are actually many simple things in our life that are beautiful and amazing...

Sat by the Merlion alone to have some quiet thoughts... Thinking of work....thinking of her.....spending quiet moments by myself...And this song just captivates my heart while I was spending some quiet time by myself...


Bedingfield, Daniel - If You're Not The One

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

幸福的标准是由知己决定..而不是别人...

幸福是什么? 妳幸福的定义是什么? 我幸福的标准又是什么? 为何要把我们幸福的定义和标准交拖给别人来做决定.. 幸福不是属于我们自己的吗?不是该由我们自己的心来做决定的吗?

我的肯定, 我的直侳, 我对妳的感觉, 比不上别人的一句话吗? 还是我的这一切只能带给妳悲伤,忧愁和难过? 妳的这些感觉和想法我根本都不知道和了解..

我只能用猜想来对待妳的一切的感受.. 那是因为妳在这些对我的感受上, 画上了一句 "我不知道..."

我不能隐藏自己的心理的感受和对妳的感觉, 可能我为一能做的就是一个人静静的必自己离开... 可是当我必自己离开的时候, 妳又告诉我妳会伤心难过...

可是妳又在这一切画上了另一句 "我真的不知道..."

等待与放弃 . . . . .

Been a long time since I last made my entry here...Things seem to be going well for me but still trapped in agony in love...The agony of waiting I guess...But I believe that it is worthwhile to wait and believe what my heart and feelings are telling me...Stubborn, a waste of time or even a fruitless wait maybe coming from others but none of these gonna stop me from what I am heading towards to...As I am clearly aware and understand what am I doing and not just chasing after aimlessly or blindly...25 years to meet someone so similar to me and a simple question to light up my pitch dark night...Its always the simple stuff that we overlooked in our life to make us regret and we slowed down and stopped to look back on these simple stuff...And indeed simple stuffs do does wonders in our life...

And overlooking of such simple stuffs ended up with regret of my life once, not going to let another 25 years to pass to make me realize what I had miss out on the needs in my life...People may feels that I am foolish but I do not think so . .And I will really be a big time fool for the second time if I am to let go the need of my life once again...Regretted once, do not wish to regret all over once again...

这一次的等待
是一个幸福的等待
还是另一个不怀好意的命运

就算是命运的捉弄
我也愿意继续的等待着妳
就算最后妳选择的不是我
我也不会怪妳

因为最后的我
选择了等待
选择了妳

你说是我们相见恨晚 . . . 我说为爱, 你不够勇敢 . . .

Been a tough week... Life is full of so much surprises and up comings...Somethings might struck you but unknowingly you do not realize until you stop and ponder upon on a simple question posted to you..Doesn't this sounds silly to you? I bet so too..what you need and what you want just suddenly seems to be so clear before your eyes.. Its really tormenting to be in a situation like this...But at least I think we are still chatting and communicating as per normal as per friend...Dun really know how long can this last or how much longer I can hold out, but maybe time will tell...Or maybe i discover what i really need and not what i always wanted... Need someone who is on common frequency as me..share the same thinking and joy, luffing at some tootpit jokes and silly mistakes she made....a simple comment like "the fish is so big hor" but it can just made her luffing at her own silliness and blurness hahaha..maybe she is just someone simple and make things much more simpler...that what makes her unique and special i guess...

Does what people say matters so much to you?Why do we need to let others affect our thinking and actions? I really dunoe..but I believe we should act and do stuffs base on what our heart and feeling is telling me...Or rather can someone tell me what is right and wrong in love?Is there really a right and wrong?I dun believe there is right or wrong but rather we should follow our feelings...Must we act other wise just because of what people say? Its so crazy not to listen to what your heart and feeling is telling you but follow what others say? Haiz I really do not understand...I have regretted once cause of my own foolishness and I dun wish to feel so regretful the second time again..

Things are so funny...You cant imagine how much sama-sama-ness we can have in 1 day...starting from IM-ing, food, drinks, dressing, saying the exact same words and sentences at the same time. Its really surprising that I can find someone who is so similar with me in all aspect..Suddenly the "Qian" that i gotten in Japan is starting to flow into my picture...First was the dark clouds will clear..which I feel it is already cleared by now...Efforts will pay and bright prospects..which is in my exam and job....and lastly... The Belated One will come...Will this come true too?

A enjoyable trip or a memories flowing trip of her?

Finally can get to online after so many days as there is no internet in my room and lazy to go down to the lobby....to add more woes to my trip..due to typhoon and earthquake, there isnt any reception on my damn phone..so weird to have no internet and mobile phone in such a high tech world now...

But back to topic...This trip suppose to be a relax and break for all the shits in singapore..but it dun seems so up till now..spent the past few days visiting places of interest in osaka..feel realli weird that the one beside me is not her..i think this trip has so much memories of me and her..i feel like calling her and tell her i miss her.....but i really cant find the courage to do so...Visiting those places that we went to in Jan and now is so much different...Images of her just flows to my mind when I am taking pictures and walking around..even those food that we tried and places...especially the Gyoza at the shin imamiya tower there...its realli so nice and tasty back in Jan..but this time round i went back to eat again..it is not as tasty as before..the taste seems to have change..Ate Mac Pork the past few nights..used to taste like superb but then again the taste that it is in my memories once again taste better...Is it becoz she is not with me? I myself dun deny the fact that i think she plays a part in it..Coz i realli feel that with her around those food we love really tasted much better..but the person with me on this trip is so unfamiliar...how i wish she was here with me...

I went to some of the places that we din manage to go previously, one of the place is the Golden Temple in Kyoto..the place which she says she will love to go...Bought a little hello kitty handphone strip with the Golden Temple minature for her too..also dunoe got chance to pass to her too or not..its so misty between me and her...

Went to Todaiji Temple too..it is in Nara..the so call biggest buddha statue here...it is also one of the world heritage i think..and went to the deer park which we wanted to go too but lack of time previously and end up did not go previously..haiz...all these uncompleted journey between me and her are completed now but she is not the one with me to complete these...i really wish it is her who is with me in this trip..I lost the chance to go these places with her but although i managed to go this time round..the whole feeling is totally different..coz the person with me is not her...dunoe even got chance to bring her with me there again or not too..

Had a quarrel with her a few days back before i lost touch with the world with no reception on my mobile phone..what i wan to tell her or ask her is not being scarastic..but she replied so scarastically..coz previously i did ask her want go oversea together or not and even suggested to plan a short trip to batam or bintan to relax..but i was rejected straight....and now she telling me she going oversea with colleauges tml to hk...i not even comparing why she can choose to go oversea with her frens to hk and not with me..and somemore i fully understand why she cannot come japan with me at this period..i totally know that it is becoz of work and leaves issues..but when she resigned i actually asked her that since next month is so call our important date, so just suggested to go on a short trip for her to relax etc..but she say dun wan...and now goin hk with her frens..i realli dunoe...When she say and ask me to enjoy my japan trip..i so much wanted to tell her that i miss her and i totally dun enjoy my trip here as she is not here with me...before i even can type or what her reply really snapped me off....why cant we really talk nicely?

And its so not me to go "qiu qian"...but I did it here..not once but twice somemore...one is fortune in general and second was love issue..but both of the results were quite similiar and somehow quite zhun too..should i believe or should i not? i also dunoe..or maybe it is just pure concidence?haiz...but what they mentioned on the qian i gotten is really quite accurate for me currently....maybe i should follow what it says?